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Drowning in Home Management, Part One
By Kendra | April 10, 2009
I struggle desperately with balancing everything that must be done. I have yet to figure out how to give my oldest the help and teaching he needs for school while teaching my 5 yr old to read, etc. All this while 2 little ones run around. Not to even mention the laundry, cooking, cleaning, and housework that may or may not get done.
-Rachel
♥
My first thought when I read your list: “housework, paperwork, and homeschooling” was:
“what housework? what paperwork? what homeschooling?”
currently we’re not getting to *any* of those things. 
well, okay- a bit of housework and the necessary paperwork, but that’s IT.
-Stacy
♥
Hope you’re on your feet again very soon! And yes, I am one of those drowning in housework, homeschooling, etc. No family nearby, friends all in the same life stage as me (young kiddos), so whatever wisdom you can offer will be appreciated.
-Christine
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I recently read your article from 2006 I think, entitled Put Your Life in a Binder. I am attempting to do this but it is a big task. Any tips on how to get it done?
-Brandi
♥
Me too. No, really. I do have help, and yet in this season with a high schooler, a junior higher for whom I’ve begun to plan high school, three elementary students, a kindergartner, a toddler, and a baby, I am drowning in home management, too.
So let’s all take a deep breath and try to gain perspective.
First of all, define what your “Rock List” should be. Remember that old Sunday School illustration where you fill a jar with sand (all of the non-essential activities of life), then try to fit in the rocks (all of the essential activities)? The rocks don’t fit that way. But if you reverse the order- rocks, then sand- everything fits just perfectly.
My wiser-than-I-am friend Colleen once asked me to define my “Rock List”; that is, the essential activities that have to be done daily. I made a massive list of items that I had on my plate, big and small, and then began to put each item into the “Rock” column or the “Sand” column. While this was a helpful exercise that saved my dwindling sanity that year, everything was about to come crashing down and demand redefinition…
I had a miscarriage. I was pregnant two months later. I had a baby. I was pregnant five months later. I had that baby. I was in the PICU with him seven weeks later. And the Rock List suddenly became a burden.
I was relaying my waves of overwhelmment (I know. It’s not a word, but I would make it one if I could) to my wiser-than-I-am friend Cheryl who said, “What are the top five non-negotiable activities of your life?” Five. That’s it.
Can you define your top five non-negotiable activities? I am reluctant to even tell you mine, because I really want you to think this through and pray over it without any outside influence. Your top five non-negotiables should be between you and the Lord.
In Drowning in Home Management, Part Two, I’ll touch on each aspect of home management and how I am currently tackling/juggling these things in our home. But I really, really, really want you to make that Top Five list before you read about what we do here, because my home isn’t yours, and I don’t have the corner on that market!
♥
I might be pursuaded to list my Top Five in the comments, but not until some time has passed so you can go before the Lord on this one 
Topics: Educating at Home, Home Organization, Nurturing Moms, Resources, School Organization | 38 Comments »
April 10th, 2009 at 3:41 am
Kendra — the link doesn’t seem to be working. Is it just me?
April 10th, 2009 at 5:15 am
Thanks, Kendra! I had just finished making my new chore packs for our family & thinking through what the essentials for us were right now, when my hubby found out yesterday that we are moving the next 2 months. YIKES! So, all that planning/thinking will be put to the back burner so I can pack… that is, after we get back from a 2 week vacation. (B/c it is the perfect time for that, right?) But, I have purposed to use this time to pray and think over what we are doing around here.
April 10th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Please, please, please…maybe give us 2 of them…or 3? Just a hint. Are we talking about things like quiet time or things like meal prep? Or both?
Can’t wait to read part 2.
Hopefully that is persuasive enough
PS: Aside from praying about it – I will probably ask my hubby what he thinks my top 5 should be…since I am supposed to be his help-meet, I guess I should find out what is most important to him, right? Just to make sure we are on the same page? Or is this strictly personal stuff?
April 10th, 2009 at 7:43 am
Jenn- It’s working for me. Anyone else having a problem?
April 10th, 2009 at 8:06 am
Kendra- Your timing is just amazing. I read your blog every day. You are such an encouragement to me. I have four boys, ranging in age from 13 down to 1. I have a question: I really could use some outside help as my husband travels for work. This week he was gone and I had four boys with the stomach flu. He is home for the weekend and leaves again on Monday. He is not convinced that I need any outside help. He thinks with the boys help I should be able to get it all done. He doesn’t understand how difficult it is, since he is gone all day, and sometimes for several days. Do you have any suggestions how I can better help him see things through my eyes? I try to be very respectful of my husbands wishes and he has the last word, as he should. We have a good, solid marriage. I think sometimes it is hard for husbands to see things from our perspective. Also, I don’t want to be whiny about it. Thank you and God bless
April 10th, 2009 at 8:20 am
This is what I am getting when I click the Binder link… is this right? Not seeing anything about binders but maybe I am missing it.
http://www.noblewomanhood.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=367&Itemid=32
April 10th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Laura-
That’s not my timing, it’s God’s!
I prayed for years and years to have some help. I remember standing in the laundry room folding clothes at 1 a.m. and begging God to bring me help. Not because my husband wouldn’t let me, but because there just wasn’t anybody who could give me the time and workload I hoped for.
And then, He did. He brought someone who is mature, wise, skilled, and amazing! She needed to earn extra income when her husband’s job took a downturn, so it was a win-win.
Long story short, pray. Ask God to “hit” your husband and then pray and duck!
April 10th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Jenn-
The link works, but I’m thinking maybe it’s your browser. Can you open it in another browser?
April 10th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Jenn,
I’m also being redirected to the same link you are, and I tried it through both Firefox and Explorer–if I’m having issues with one of those, usually, the other one resolves the problem. So I don’t know what the deal is, Kendra! I’m just going to browse through your archives until I find the article.
I love all your articles–they’re always so timely and so encouraging. Thanks for putting the time and effort into this!
April 10th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Hmmm. I tried in both firefox and internet explorer and either way it keeps returning a search site saying that the domain name “Noble Womanhood” is available. When I google “Noble Womanhood” I can see by the links that it must be a blog, but then the links take me back to the same weird site. Go figure. Oh well, I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
Off to pray about my top five!!
April 10th, 2009 at 10:52 am
I’ve tried 3 browsers and can’t access the link either. Maybe yours is in cache? It takes me to register.com
April 10th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Oh dear! I just tried the link for Noble Womanhood and saw that the site is down. That is our site so we will get that fixed ASAP!
Thank you for this post Kendra! I think it may be an answer to prayer. We have six little ones ages 8 -1 and I have been laid very low with chronic illness for almost two years. We also just lost a baby a few weeks ago and I am still trying to recover from that. My younger sister has been living with us and is truly a blessing from the Lord
Even with my sister’s help there is so much that needs to be done and I have such limited resources that my head swirls and I don’t know where to begin! This is a wonderful idea and I am going to try it right away.
Jennifer
April 10th, 2009 at 11:11 am
The owner of the noblewomanhood.com domain forgot to renew the registration, so the binder link won’t work, and you’re landing on a default page owned by register.com. According to the ‘whois’ record, it expired 2 days ago…
Registrar Name….: REGISTER.COM, INC.
Registrar Whois…: whois.register.com
Registrar Homepage: http://www.register.com
Domain Name: noblewomanhood.com
Created on…………..: Sat, Apr 08, 2006
Expires on…………..: Wed, Apr 08, 2009
Record last updated on..: Wed, Apr 09, 2008
April 10th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I am also curious about your Top Five non-negotiable activities. So far I have 3 (almost 4) for our family. I’m not sure how specific I should make these priorities.
I’ll be talking to my husband and praying about our priorities even after you share your’s with us. Soon, right?!
April 10th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
I just read through this post kind of quickly. I read the link as Put Your Life in A Blender… not a Binder.
It made me laugh.
Thanks, Kendra for your encouragement to us!
April 10th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I too was wondering if you could give a hint as to how much one item on the list emcompasses? I could put housework, homeschooling, meals, lawn and vehicle care, and paperwork, but then those would pretty much cover everything that I am and am not getting done already. But if I break it down into smaller things, such as Math with 8 YO, clean the kitty litter box, feed the chickens, fix dinner and wash clothes, I’m obviously not going to get much at all done. Maybe I’m just not with it. Well, actually, I admit I’m not.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Thank you so much. I pondered on this one today and came up with five critical things. What a powerful exercise. I’m a big list maker and prioritizer, but this idea has really changed my perspective. I can’t wait to hear your five.
These are mine:
Prayer/Gospel Study/Journal
Walk
Dinner
Laundry
Read to each child
April 10th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Noble Womanhood should be back up now !
April 10th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Kendra, Thank you for giving of your time and experience. A good friend of mine turned me on to your blog about a year ago and I really enjoy it! I did the “Rock” thing a few years ago. My mother told me about it when I was pregnant with my 4th. I find this to be very helpful in helping us to stay focused on the important issues, because God knows I can dawdle ALL day in the sand!!!!!!! Thanks again!
April 11th, 2009 at 6:08 am
You don’t have to put this in the comments, but thought you might get a kick out of it. The last post that says it is from Kendra is from me, Kara!! LOL! It was late. : )
April 11th, 2009 at 6:38 am
I’ve got my five. And wow- It was *really* tough to keep it to just five.
Looking forward to Part 2!
April 11th, 2009 at 8:20 am
Kara- That’s funny! I was amused that another Kendra reads my blog!
April 11th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
As I’ve been thinking about the five things that I must get done every day, I realised that housework doesn’t feature heavily! So I think I need to ask my husband. I’ve got…
1. Quiet time with the Lord
2. Exercise (this really helps me clear my mind and I have time to pray)
3. Read with the children (a big part of our school work)
4. Food of some type
5. Tidying up the living area/school room, as this really helps me be calmer and everyone to find things they need.
April 11th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Oh, I remember when I posted that comment!
I think my top 5 would be-
1. sleep- this means I can’t be one to do housework till all hours of the night. I will be a grump and snapping at my family the next day!
2. personal prayer/scripture reading- when this doesn’t get done, my day reflects it
3. reading to the kiddos
4. keeping on top of the kitchen- this includes meals and cleaning. I feel so overwhelmed when my kitchen is messy.
5. straightening up at the end of the day.
6. (I know, I’m adding an extra!) Down time when the kids go to bed. I really find that I need an hour of quiet time with my husband, or just reading in bed in order to wind down my day.
April 11th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Five things? Really? Just 5? I will be interested to see what others share and how to get past the feeling of leaving other things undone…if you might care to share. Thanks-this is a good post-I’m thinking and praying…
Alicia B
April 13th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
I’m thinking through this one too. Looking forward to part 2.
April 14th, 2009 at 8:20 am
Wow. This is really good food for thought! As I was pondering my own feelings of overwhelmment (if we use it, it is TOO a word, right?) and this post, something that struck me was that our lists will vary based on our goals. Right now I need to strip everything down to the answer to Question 1 of the Westminster Catequism: “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.”
I have been so busy busy busy trying to keep house with six young children that I have sorely lost sight of this. And in this season of my life, very little that I am doing has been for God’s glory and very little is leading to enjoying Him. So I need to re-think this! This is what I came up with, for me, for this season:
1. Reading God’s Word. Out loud. To myself, and to my children.
2. Rotating a laundry helper — he/she will help me gather clothes and load the washer/dryer, and we will work on a memory verse song together as we work.
3. Smiling every time one of my children approaches me.
4. Planning a meal plan with my children, and rotating a kitchen helper to help me after breakfast so that lunch/dinner prep is done.
5. Having 15-min. one-on-one time with each of my children. We will have one block of time set apart for this in the morning and one in the afternoon. For the older kids (7 and 5), we will work on school/projects, for the younger, we will tickle, read, etc.
This lists seems so pitiful when I look at it, but I think that I need to remember my over-arching goal: to glorify God and enjoy Him! To have my children know their God and enjoy their place in His kingdom!
Thanks for a great post and good words to ponder.
April 14th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
My Top 5 Rocks
1. Time w/God
2. Time w/Hubby
3. Time w/Children
4. Homeschooling
5. Home Management
I would love to hear yours. Do I need to be more specific? Love this series… I hope I don’t miss Part 2!
April 14th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
My Rock List (subject to change at any moment).
Five Non-Negotiable Activities
1. Scripture Study
2. Making house tidy
3. Homeschool
4. Feeding family
5. Dishes
Specifically:
1. At least one scripture verse a day.
Ideal:
15 min scripture study
15 min prophet study
15 min journal
15 min personal progress
at least 30 personal English and Math study
2. 5 min tidy of living room and kitchen
Ideal:
5 mins in each room of house
at least 15 mins in focus room of the day
3. 1 lesson in “Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons” each day
Ideal:
Read books
Jump on Trampoline
Play games
Paint/colour/play dough
Science
etc
4. Any kind of sustenance at all up to and including pretzels and cheese sticks or cold cereal.
Ideal:
Well thought out, healthy, balanced, lovingly prepared and well presented meals. I have never managed to reach this ideal. Ever. And in June I’ll have been married 2 decades.
5. Dishes washed at least once a day.
Ideal:
Dishes washed, dried, and put away after every meal where they’re meant to go, in well-organized cabinets.
I think I can probably do the basic stuff. Not sure about the ideal stuff. =D
April 15th, 2009 at 5:46 am
I just love the way Keeley did hers! I guess we all have the ideal, and the reality. I think we get so discouraged because we don’t reach the ideal most days. Maybe shooting for reality would be a better idea. LOL!
I have been pondering my top 5. I haven’tcompletely settled yet, because I want to ask hubby his opinion.
So far, I;m thinking-
1-Bible reading and prayer
2-Supper on the table every night…that means EVERY night
3-Read aloud to the kids
4-Clean the kitchen
5-Do some type of academics with kids
My list may totally change when I talk to hubs, who by the way, is also an Andy, Kendra!
Thank you for this thought provoking post. It has truly made me seek the Lord’s will for my days…His plan. Can’t wait for part 3!
Dawn
April 15th, 2009 at 6:33 am
just wanted to comment that i SO appreciate Rachel’s list item of “smile everytime one of my children approaches me”. i seem to either be good about all my food/housework stuff OR caring for the kids cheerfully throughout the day. and i think sometimes i probably LOOK or seem irritated even if i’m not. ….remember to smile.
thanks!
April 15th, 2009 at 10:50 am
I couldn’t agree more with Jenn B…
Rachel’s ““smile everytime one of my children approaches me”” was by far the most impactful thing for me in all the comments I read. How convicting and inspiring at the same time. Thanks Rachel!
April 15th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
I may have commented once before, but I love your blog and have learned a lot from your (hard-earned, I know!) wisdom. This has been exactly what I needed to hear right now, both your post and the conversation. I am drowning in life with three young children (7,3, and 1) with my oldest having special needs. I really need to think about my rocks and what they should be. It helps a lot to know that other women are struggling with the same issues because I very often feel like I’m the only one who can’t get it together. Also, I’m a fellow long-time central Californian, now living in South Carolina (slight culture shock)!! Thank you so much and God bless you.
April 16th, 2009 at 5:53 am
[...] the first post of the series she talked about a Rock List. You know how if you want to fill up a jar, you put the [...]
April 16th, 2009 at 5:58 am
Here’s what my hubby and I came up with…this is in alignment with our mission of “Love God, Love Others”…
Personal Bible reading, study and prayer-
Chronological reading, scripture memorization, prayer journal
Nurture relationship with husband-
Evening devotional, alone time
Teach & train kids
Be consistent and fair, model God’s patience, love, kindness;
Homeschool
6th grader-5 days a week, including Bible reading/study and memorization;
Pre-schoolers-Cubbies memorization, fine motor skills and reading (point out letters)
Housework
Declutter; three 30 min sessions each day; focus on a particular room each day;
April 21st, 2009 at 12:28 pm
okay, i think this is a really admirable quest. i’ve been struggling constantly with balance. my husband requires our home to be in order- i am not orderly by nature. i can clean and i don’t mind cleaning, but i have clutter and chaos around me (and i kinda like it that way). i also have 2 young girls who keep me on my toes. i’m working a few hours a week from home so that has to factor into my time management. we also somehow produce 6-8 loads of laundry a week (closer to ten if you include sheets, towels, rags, etc).
i guess what i’m trying to say is that this is a great tool, but i’m overwhelmed when i try to pick just 5! it seems like there are 20 million rocks to go in my jar.
and for those of you throwing your spiritual walk into your list, good for you. i haven’t been able to work in anything besides an occasional church service for years.
i think i’m getting bitter. i don’t like how discouraged i’ve become. i don’t like the pressure to perform as a wife and a mother. i don’t like the high expectations set on me as a wife and a SAHM/ WAHM. i feel suffocated.
April 21st, 2009 at 12:44 pm
I’m sorry you’re feeling suffocated, Rae. Sometimes those little people can make us feel that way
May 29th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
[...] focus on top priorities, and keep from becoming overwhelmed. Before sharing her own list, she invited her readers to post a comment with the five activities they identified for themselves after reflection and [...]