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Attitude Adjustment
By Kendra | August 17, 2008
In Revamping Systems, Part Two I mentioned that I have changed my attitude regarding my responsibilities, my children’s responsibilities, and what I can expect of them. This has been the single most effective change I’ve made in our home maybe ever, because the change was in my attitude, not in any system, training technique, or other similar means.
My best friend Lisa was reading to her children the last book Bob Schultz wrote before his recent death, a book called Practical Happiness: A Young Man’s Guide to a Contented Life. She called me one day and said, “Listen to this!” She went on to tell me about a chapter in which Mr. Schultz describes his disgruntled attitude upon arriving home each night, seeing the messes and what was unfinished and greeting his family with a scowl. God convicted him of his attitude, and of that Mr. Schultz wrote:
“As I thought about my failure, He showed me how to get over it: accept every task in the house and on the grounds as mine… Someone may say this perspective is unrealistic. No one could be expected to do every job. But it’s done so much good for our family and for me. I wish I had seen it earlier. I rarely wash dishes. That makes me all the more pleased with my useful daughters. I can’t remember cooking a dinner. How I appreciate my wife’s help! When she’s doing my job, I can accept a meal that’s a half hour “late”. When would it have been on the table if I had made it?”
Fabulous, isn’t it? Yes, this house, these grounds, these children- all of these are my responsibilities and when I get some help, I am thankful! Like Mr Schultz, it is a rare occasion when I have to empty the dishwasher and now instead of grumbling when I do have that job to squeeze in, I am thankful that my seven-year-old does the dishwasher emptying on a regular basis. Boy, I wish I’d learned this one earlier.
We still expect our children to pick up after themselves. We are still training them to create less work for others, not more. We are still teaching them life skills that they can take with them when they leave our home. But my attitude has changed from disappointment in the child-like results of their work to thankfulness that all these young people are pitching in to help lighten my load.
Can I get an amen?
Topics: Chores, Home Organization, Life with Preschoolers, Nurturing Moms, Resources, Uncategorized | 31 Comments »
August 17th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Wow. I love that! It’s all about perspective….
August 17th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Although my head really agrees, my heart is still being a bit selfish – but when am *I* going to get a break, when is DH going to help out, and so on. Because if I accept everything here at home as my job, then I must be willing to do it when necessary, instead of having a temper tantrum to rival my two year old.
I’ve been so convicted lately of my need to die to self. Not be a doormat, but rather accept the responsibility that God has given to me.
August 17th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Hi Kendra
Sounds like pure joy in the making to me! Thanks so much for sharing. Love, Q
August 17th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
I love this! I was reading The Homemaker last night and he said something similar about a squabble with your spouse. He wrote that if you think of every fight as your fault or how you could have prevented it then you automatically have a more loving relationship; if your spouse thinks the same way then all the better.
August 17th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
I know, Michele. But keep your head agreeing and allow your heart to get there. Serving others is a choice we make, and when we step out in obedience, the heart always comes around.
August 17th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
AMEN… from grumpy mom in alaska. Whose child said to her tonight “mama, do you think that, well, you know, you don’t have to, but maybe you could talk to God when you go to bed and pray, in your head maybe, about your grumpiness and anger”
ah…
August 18th, 2008 at 5:19 am
I really needed to read this today. Thank you!
August 18th, 2008 at 6:40 am
I referenced your blog on my blog today. I really hear you. The Lord has been directing me along similar paths lately. Would you mind giving us a more clear picture of what this new attitude “looks” like during the day? What helps you maintain this attitude?
Thanks!
Grace & Peace,
Betty
August 18th, 2008 at 6:47 am
Such wise words. Sometimes all we need is a small adjustment to make things go so much better.
God recently told me a similar thing, “not everything that you feel needs to be spoken aloud”. Just keeping my mouth shut in the heat of the moment has made such a difference – and usually I find that after a few minutes I don’t feel it needs to be said anyway.
BTW – Thanks for popping by and commenting!
I appreciate your blog and am here often even if I don’t usually comment! Thank you…
August 18th, 2008 at 6:55 am
Kendra,
That sounds so similar to something God bopped me over the head with when my oldest was about 2. She was a particularly difficult 2 yo, and I was journalling my frustration to God (as I had done many times) asking Him “When are You going to change this child!!!” when He spoke (I swear it was audible!!) and said, “It is not her I am trying to change.”. Wow. That gave me some perspective. And even now that lesson rings true to so many situations where I might find myself frustrated, I remember it is either for His greater Plan or for my sanctification. And so the question is: how will I respond? In frustration, or exhibiting grace and perhaps a fruit of the Spirit? The situation is His, the response is mine. He will bear the responsibility for His sovereignty, while I will bear the responsibility for my response.
August 18th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Amen! This one thing, the attitude of the mama, is the key to it all!
August 18th, 2008 at 8:46 am
Gosh Betty, I’m not sure what it looks like, except I’m not sighing so much and being snippy when I find dishes in the sink. I correct myself mentally and it brings a smile to my face because I suddenly lose the ridiculous, unrealistic expectations I’ve placed on everyone else.
August 18th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Alright, I’ll give you an AMEN!!!!
)
August 18th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Kendra,
I had gotten to the point of not wanting to do any of what I considered the “kids’” jobs. Empty the dishwasher? I don’t think so.
Clean a bathroom? Nah-ah. Wash dishes, when they are assigned to a kid? No way, Jose.
So I made myself start doing those jobs. Not every time, not every day. But I have emptied that dishwasher, cleaned bathrooms, and washed many a dish. I have also folded umpteen loads of other people’s laundry who left it in the dryer.
I had to remind myself of who did all that work before I had kids big enough to help me. And that was the kicker…”big enough to help ME”.
Thanks for the reminder…I needed it again.
Dawn in SC
August 18th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
AMEN! God is working on growing a servant’s heart in my body, and this was just the encouragement I needed today. Thank you!
August 18th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Wow. Just….wow.
August 18th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Amen! from this selfish heart, as well. Thanks for sharing that.
August 18th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Thanks for voting for our photo on 5minutes for mom. I’m getting smoked on the contest, but oh well, it’s great to be a part of it.
Just poked around your site. What a loving and cooperative family you have. Bravo to you.
August 18th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
AMEN! Thank you for words that I am sure will my make our little world at home a much more peaceful happy place and give my husband a much more joyful and grateful wife! Thanks again!
August 18th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
I was just thinking of that the other day. Not Mr. Schultz per se but the fact that I don’t have all the “chores” I used to have. It’s such a blessing…I have to remember to be thankful for their help, even if it’s not done to perfection!
Hey, how’s Joe? Our Eli still remembers to include him in our prayers!
Hugs,
Carmen
August 18th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
I really appreciate your words of wisdom–not only in this post, but in many others. I’ll have to chew on it and come back later for more!
I noticed your books in the sidebar. Our family just finished the My ABC Bible Verses. Loved it!
August 19th, 2008 at 4:03 am
Kendra, do you have a suggestion for how to change my additude in a slightly different situation? I am a mother of 3, soon to be 4, and our oldest is 5. I am having a painful pregnancy, which makes it harder to have a good attitude (my excuse.) I do see everything inside and outside of our house as my responsibility, and am very overwhelmed. I try to train the children to help but it really isn’t much help, as everyone knows. God has shown me lately that I am bitter towards my husband especially and also towards the kids for making messes and not helping. I know I need to change my attitude but I don’t know what I need to change it to. I don’t think my family thinks that I love them.
Thank you,
Amy
August 19th, 2008 at 5:55 am
Oh this is the attitude I long for! This is Shane’s attitude and he serves us so well and sometimes I am so selfish.
Thanks for posting this!
August 19th, 2008 at 8:48 am
Amy-
PRAY! Steep yourself in the Word. Ask yourself, “What is the truth?” when the feelings of anger and being overwhelmed overtake you. The truth will set you free.
I’ve experienced a lot of what you’re saying during this season of close pregnancies and hormonal craziness. It is hard to pull through the quagmire, but ultimately we have a responsibility to be in God’s Word and to lean in heavily on Him. He blesses, carries, and changes our stubborn hearts.
Bless you-
Kendra
August 19th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
AMEN!
August 20th, 2008 at 5:35 am
Well, I sure am flunking in this area right now. You just gotta love it when the 2.5 yo starts saying what he heard from you.
Kendra, glad to hear of the victory over the “snippy-ness.” If you get a chance, would you send up a prayer or two for me in this area. I’m right in the middle of one of those seasons where I just can’t seem to get on top of *anything.* I don’t suppose I need to drag everyone else in the house into it but, huh?
Blessings and thanks to you
In Him
Meredith
August 20th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Beautiful encouragement Kendra.
Thank you so much for sharing this! : )
Love,
Rebecca
August 21st, 2008 at 2:26 am
Dear Kendra,
Thank you so much for the advice on this blog and in the comment I posted earlier. I never even thought that the feeling of being overwhelmed could be tied to hormones, and now I see that it is! I have taken your advice, and really appreciate the time you took to write it.
Thank you,
Amy
August 25th, 2008 at 4:54 am
I’ve been thinking about this for days, Kendra… Life-changing.
Again, thank you, friend…
August 26th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Whew. Amen and amen!
I, too, have struggled with dying to self, lately. I feel selfish and bitter when I have everyone around me *needing* things from me. As a mother, it’s easy to comply. As a wife – not so much. But it’s just as important, if not *more* important to be a wife first and Iva second.
Thanks for the gentle brick to the head.
March 2nd, 2009 at 5:54 pm
I have just found your blog for the first time tonight and read a few posts! Wow! Just what I needed. This is the first time I’ve ever “commented” on a site, but I am so thankful to know there are other moms out there like me, but yet be encouraged to keep going! Thanks–I will be back!