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Trials and the Fear of God
By Kendra | May 21, 2010
Do not let your peace depend on what people say of you, for whether they speak good or ill of you makes no difference to what you are. True peace and joy is to be found in Me [Jesus] alone. He who is neither anxious to please nor afraid to displease men enjoys true peace.
~Thomas a Kempis
♥
I pierced my nose last fall. When asked why, I say, Do you want the short answer or the not-so-short answer?
The short answer is, I’ve always thought tiny shimmering studs in a woman’s nose are beautiful. Feminine. Graceful.
The not-so-short answer is that I have finally learned to fear God more than I fear man. 39 years of living in grave fear of what others might say about me or my choices, and I know this goes way back because in high school a friend had the courage to say to me, “You know, everyone isn’t talking about you all the time”. Ouch. Guess I thought so.
When you experience for yourself that it is Almighty God who can snuff out our time on earth in one heartbeat, you tend to see Him for who He is: Omnipotent, All-Knowing, Sovereign. My fear of His power rose exponentially, but my fear of man fell into the garbage heap where it belongs.
We’re not talking about a Biblical issue or sin here. I’m open and receptive to hearing about what ails me, and the Holy Spirit does a very steady job of revealing my short comings while at the same time breathing life-giving truths into my soul. You might not like nose rings, you might associate them with something negative, and you might never, ever do that to your nose. That’s ok.
What’s not ok is when we take the role of cosmic policeman either by imposing our own extra-Biblical choices onto others, when we measure our spirituality by outward marks of insignificant details (think nose piercing, highlighted hair, or a trendy hat… or homeschooling, dresses only, exclusively Christian music), or when we assign a role to God that He Himself doesn’t own (that cosmic policeman…)
Why, after being unshackled by the freeing grace of God, do we want to put ourselves back into bondage?
Fear God and God alone.
If the fear of man is a form of bondage for you, you might gain great insight from Edward T. Welch’s When People Are Big and God is Small. I found it very helpful.
Topics: Life with Preschoolers, Mighty Joe's Story, Sweet Caroline's Story | 35 Comments »
May 21st, 2010 at 4:17 am
LOVE that book. It revolutionized both my husband and my thinking. I wrote a post on this same topic last year on our blog.
http://worldourclassroom.blogspot.com/2009/07/fear-of-man-vs-fear-of-god.html
Blessings to you, Kendra.
Laura
May 21st, 2010 at 5:31 am
Love this. Thanks. : )
May 21st, 2010 at 5:38 am
[...] 2010 Another gem Posted by kaciel under Christian Life, Uncategorized Leave a Comment Here is another gem from Kendra at Preschoolers and Peace about the fear of man, a subject I am very [...]
May 21st, 2010 at 5:49 am
I so appreciate how you have been sharing your heart and experiences lately, Kendra. I have long heard about that book and will order today (as I usually do when you recommend a book)! I remember very often what you once wrote about – living for an “Audience of One”. May you continue to experience much grace in your life.
May 21st, 2010 at 6:25 am
Kendra-
I sure am appreciating this latest series of posts! Thanks!!
Angela
May 21st, 2010 at 8:12 am
Rockin’ the bandwidth, K!
May 21st, 2010 at 8:22 am
Amen.
May 21st, 2010 at 8:36 am
I have seen women wear nose studs in a rebellious way and I have seen women wear nose studs in a beautifully feminine way. I think your demeanor matters more that technicalities in femininity and modesty issues. While I have no desire to pierce my nose, I do find a small nice one beautiful in other women I know.
I have my ears pierced twice and sometimes want a third — two more small, sparkly things.
My husband says he doesn’t care, girls are silly. He told me, “It’s not like it will or could make you *more* beautiful than you already are.” I think I’ll keep him. 
I own that book and I need to put it on my short-list to read.
May 21st, 2010 at 8:37 am
Laura- I tried to comment on your post but it wouldn’t let me. YES. That line about people-pleasers being swayed by who last talked to them most loudly… right on.
May 21st, 2010 at 8:43 am
Mystie-
Your husband is a gem himself: “It’s not like it will or could make you *more* beautiful than you already are”. He’s a keeper!
When my mom took me to get my ears pierced (I was 12), she recalled with laughter in her voice, “When I was a little girl, only loose women had their ears pierced.” I’d be hard-pressed to argue that piercing ears is ok but piercing noses is not. Isaac gave jewelry for Rebecca’s nose as a gift; we’re just not there as a society yet and I think nose rings are still associated with some kind of woman I’m not. Maybe I’ll be taking my daughters to pierce their noses with that same laughter in my voice someday.
May 21st, 2010 at 8:57 am
Another good book along the same lines is People Pleaser by Lou Priolo, the same guy who wrote Heart of Anger.
And to think, I feel brave when I put stickers on top of my toenail polish!! LOLOL!!!
No nose rings for me, but why in the world should I care if someone else has one? Silly.
You are beautiful on the inside Kendra. I also am enjoying these latest posts.
Dawn
May 21st, 2010 at 10:45 am
I have to agree with the others…your posts recently have just been awesome…so open and honest!
Honestly, I wont ever pierce my nose. Why? Because my ear piercings have been a disaster! Infection any time I’ve put earrings in..bummer, cause I really like earrings! But with that in mind..who wants an infected nose?!
This was something I’d never thought of though:
“Isaac gave jewelry for Rebecca’s nose as a gift;”…seriously, that should make the nay-sayers stop and think
There are so many more important(a matter of salvation) issues to “argue” over…I like how you are pointing such out. And really, God’s opinion really is all that matters!
Lots of love,
Sommer
May 21st, 2010 at 10:49 am
Wow! Great post…something I have struggled with for years is people pleasing!
Thank you for this Kendra!
Kelly
May 21st, 2010 at 11:17 am
Kendra – Thanks for reading that post. It had an old comment system on it that I’m not using anymore. I re-posted that post and added a link to your post on this very important topic.
http://worldourclassroom.blogspot.com/2010/05/fear-of-man-redux.html
I’m sure that nose stud is lovely! As my 3-year old always says when he sees one… “I wike that shiny nail.”
Blessings to you!
Laura
May 21st, 2010 at 6:13 pm
really appreciated this post. my nature is to be fairly unconcerned w/ what people think of me (sometimes to a fault), but I’ve seen so much judgment in the circles where we are….women hurt, maligned, made to feel as if their walk w/ Christ is somehow “immature” b/c they don’t follow the right rules. this angers and saddens me, since so many of the women who are judged are beautiful women, raising children who fear the Lord and brightening the lives of those around them.
Plus, I have my nose pierced too, and I love it
May 21st, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us! Your kind and honest words are such a gift!
May 21st, 2010 at 9:29 pm
I have loved your posts lately, Kendra! God has done such similar things with my heart as the things you have written about. I LOVE the diversity in the Body of Christ now…actually i crave it
. How funny…I have been contemplating getting a small nose stud as well…I think they are SO beautiful (and COOL! 
. Rebekah had a nose right, and i love thinking outside the box now 
))!
That book by Welch is one of my favorites
Blessings, grace and peace
Kat
May 21st, 2010 at 9:44 pm
You may have known this, but my goal at the beginning of the year was to “Fear God more than I fear man.” I’ll have to read that book!!
May 22nd, 2010 at 5:32 am
Very powerful…especially in my current stage and getting ready to homeschool this fall while expecting twins in September. The judgment….is heavy. I keep reminding myself of Proverbs 29:25 daily!!!
May 22nd, 2010 at 5:36 am
Great things for me to ponder. Thank you! *hugs*
May 22nd, 2010 at 9:29 am
Thank you, Kendra, so much for your posts. I really needed this one today. I have been worried lately that some of my homeschool friends will judge me because of a homeschool co-op we are joining next year. I have not told them because of this. Even though my husband & I prayed and feel a peace that this is the right thing to do for our kids! I need to get over it and trust that we are doing what pleases God.
May 22nd, 2010 at 1:05 pm
Wonderful Kenj, as always!
And I WILL be getting this book as I have the same dreaded disorder!
I bet you look simply lovely with a little sparkle in your sweet little nose!
xo
May 22nd, 2010 at 1:06 pm
PS You should post a picture of your “new” nose!
May 22nd, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Kendra, I don’t even remember seeing it when I saw you in the fall! Maybe you got it after September? Love you and your heart. It is proving tricky over here in Santa Clarita….making purposefuly, intentional decisions for our family and ourselves without causing others to feel we expect the same for them. True love, full of grace…all of our churches need more of it. Be praying our church and some of the changes we are bringing to it this year will embrace our heart and not worry about how we are a wee little bit different.
Love ya
Deb
May 22nd, 2010 at 6:16 pm
Haha, I got my nose pierced this last December too! I LOVE my nose stud, it’s tiny and cute and I agree it looks feminine and attractive. My SIL got hers done recently too though she’s still young and in college. Mine was a total shock to a lot of people, and the congregation at my husband’s new church think I must have gotten it as a rebellious teen or something, lol! After giving birth I’m much more bold and less afraid of both physical pain and what others think-hence finally getting the nose ring.
May 23rd, 2010 at 8:09 am
Kendra,
This post & another recent one are making me UNCOMFORTABLE – in a good way. Thanks for stirring things up and making me think, “Why do I do what I do? WHY do I think this way?” Fearing man instead of God is definitely a problem for me. I’m so concerned about trying to do the right things in the right way and failing miserably….and wondering if I’ve forgotten to pour on the LOVE and GRACE and MERCY to all around me.
I love the “audience of ONE” thought – I’ll try to keep that in mind…reminds me of Brother Lawrence in PRACTICING THE PRESENCE OF GOD.
I heard a pastor say something that hit me: Don’t let ANYTHING get in the way of worshiping God!
Thanks for challenging all of us to live before the face of God!
May 23rd, 2010 at 8:11 am
Oh, love the quote from Thomas a Kempis! Thanks!
May 23rd, 2010 at 8:20 am
Yes, Janet, it would have made me uncomfortable, too at one time. Praise the Lord we are free to worship Him!
May 23rd, 2010 at 8:34 am
Another great post – I think as women we tend to fall into worrying about what other people think more then men, at least in my experience.
Say Kendra – I seem to recall you mentioning in a post quite awhile back about ordering from Amazon through a link on your site or something and that you get some benefit out of this? Am I remembering this correctly? Because if so I’m going to be doing some serious shopping there soon and I’d love it if someone benefited from it.
May 23rd, 2010 at 5:35 pm
Yes, thanks for asking! If you click through on any book links that take you to Amazon from my site, I’ll get credit. You can also go through the “Shop With preschoolers and Peace” button on the right sidebar on the home page.
May 23rd, 2010 at 8:48 pm
Awesome post, Kendra.
As a recovering “man-pleaser,” I often quote Galatians 1:10 to myself.
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
We’re studying the Welch book as a ladies’ outreach in our church plant here in Mexico (it’s in Spanish!), and have had some incredible conversations.
Okay…and the ONLY reason I will probably never pierce my nose is I can’t imagine having a cold or sinus infection with a nose piercing. Do you just keep it out for a while? Other than that, I love to see them on other people!
May 23rd, 2010 at 8:53 pm
LOL! Everyone (well, everyone who’s brave enough) asks me that! I can blow my nose with no problems but I have had a little problem with it lately when trauma happens- like my 2yo smacking his chin into my nose this morning. Hurts like there’s no tomorrow. Then gets irritated and bleeds. Lovely, huh? Just keepin’ it real
May 29th, 2010 at 10:00 pm
Ha ha!! I always wondered how it worked to pick one’s nose with a nose ring. . .
June 2nd, 2010 at 9:20 am
I LOVE THIS!! I want a tattoo &, at 36 years old, I ought to not be the least bit worried about what anyone else has to say about it! Alas, I’ve lived my entire life consumed with what others thought of me mostly because my parents were consumed with what others thought of them & therefore began indoctrinating me from that stance at a very young age. The real kicker is you can’t please man. You can’t. I can’t. No one can!! It’s not humanly possible, so why do I keep beating that proverbial horse? LOL I am looking forward to reading this book…thanks for the insight! (& thanks for being honest. You go girl!)
Shay
June 2nd, 2010 at 9:35 am
No, Shay, we can’t please man. My mom used to say, “You can please some of the people some of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, you can please some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time”.