Abundant Grace and Teaching Moments
Monday, September 26, 2011 at 12:00AM
It was a hard weekend for a little girl in our home. Her stuff dumped here and there, never picked up. Her chores largely forgotten. Tears about anything that wasn't to her liking. Wound up, her daddy told her it would be awhile before he took her to the movies again. (They saw Dolphin Tale, and recommend it.)
Then, on Sunday morning another child dumped a water bottle all over someone else's shoes, and the stench was pretty dang awful. I dumped out the rest of the contents to find putrid chocolate chips and water... the little girl in question had helped herself to chocolate chips in our freezer and then hid them in her water bottle for who knows how long. Long enough to make a foul and pungent mess.
Halfway to church, our little miss announced, "I don't have any shoes." Great. She's gone to church at least three times this summer without shoes. I'm old enough and been at this long enough not to care, but still... a hard weekend for her. And I was thinking as I drove the rest of the way to church, "This little girl needs to hear the Gospel."
Which is vastly different than what I once would have thought. I would have turned to the law. To rules. To consequences. To discipline. And while there are always consequences to our choices (she'll have to wash out that water bottle, find her shoes, and organize the shoe shelves), what we all need to be reminded of and what they need to hear is that we can never do it right. Only Jesus can. And only the Holy Spirit can equip them to make the right choices.
Don't miss what I'm saying. It isn't that we ignore sin. We deal with it, and children do need to obey their parents. The same applies to us adults- there are consequences to our actions and we must obey God. It's just that when we blow it over and over and over, our God opens His arms wider and pours out more mercy, more grace, and in great and lavish abundance. It melts our hearts and makes us want to sidle up and squat under His protection and wisdom. I want my kids to want to do that too, but that will never happen if all I do is lay down the law and remind them of their failures.
Furthermore, it is finished. There is nothing that she nor I nor you can add to the Gospel, try as we might. No little girl is going to be able to behave in any way that will make the Gospel better. Neither is any big girl.
She is loved, just as she is, because of what Jesus finished on the cross. She doesn't need to prove herself to anyone, she just needs to accept and know and love Him well. His grace is sufficient. She can crawl up into God's lap because He has covered her with His righteousness based upon His merit, not hers.
Just point them to Jesus. When you don't know what to do, give them the Gospel. But you know what? You DO know what to do- give them the Gospel.
Reader Comments (20)
I just wanted to say I REALLY needed to read this...
Thanks for this today, Kendra. I, also, turn much more often to the law than to grace. I pray that the Lord will help me remember these words!
--Gena
So needed to hear this. Hoping it sinks in more and more as the years go by because it is definitely not my natural response. Thanks, Kendra.
Wonderful examples. Is one of my daughters living with you? ;) About 18 months ago, around about the time I got pregnant with my youngest, I was strongly convicted to just take it easy with the kids. Not let them go nuts, but to just love on them more when I'm training them. Since that turning point we have seen so much growth in our children, in particular how they are showing grace to their siblings. My example to them is so powerful and I don't want them to ever think that God is just a God of rules.
Thank you, Kendra, for writing this so well.
Can you be more specific about what this looks like?
Tomorrow, KS :)
"When you don't know what to do, give them the Gospel. But you know what? You DO know what to do- give them the Gospel."
Loved that!!
My new favorite word is LAVISH.
Great post!!!
I needed to hear this .... with a little boy at my house in mind. Seems like he finds himself in many of the same "messes". And regardless of what his next "mess" is.... I need to show grace.... and I do know but often resort to the law that I can't keep either!!
Thanks for this Kendra and I look forward to tomorrow. I'm a SLOW learner... I need examples!
Mmmmhmmm....Preach it, Mama! I'm listenin'!
I started reading "Grace Based Parenting" a few months ago based on your suggestion. It tears me to my core. I can only get through a few pages at a time because of how deeply it confronts everything I held dear in my ideas on parenting and being a Christian. It's a good kind of confrontation though- the kind I need even though I don't want it. ;-)
It's so much easier to let myself think if I do a certain list of things, and don't do another list of things, that it'll somehow produce children that love, worship and respect God.
Keep it up! I'm loving it!
Amen!
It seems you and I have been on a similar journey in our parenting... :)
Your words: "Which is vastly different than what I once would have thought. I would have turned to the law. To rules. To consequences. To discipline. made me go, "Yep. Me too." * Would have*. Still do, sometimes-- but less and less. Praying always for more grace, more understanding, and less laying down the Law.
Love you, Kendra!
I'm not quite sure I understand what this looks like, especially when the kids are young (6 and under) and have about a 60% obedience rate. How is this different from showing them what has been traditionally called unconditional love? Looking forward to tomorrow's post. :)
Catherine
Thank you for this! I so have been struggling with "just do what I say" just doesn't work.
AMEN, Amen, and amen!! Have you been reading Elyse Fitzpatrick like I have? WOW, so much to change. I think my biggest cry is "Lord, help change my habit of applying the Law. Help me know HOW to give them the gospel in every circumstance."
Like you, Kendra, we have a son with neurological challenges and is on medication for seizures. Although he's 5 he acts more like he's 3 about 1/3 of the time. Grace, grace, and more grace is what we need for him. If you don't mind - I'd like to hear how you are starting to correct behavior in your older children as they interact (argue) with each other. When they want to "apply the law". Danny Silk's book, "Loving our kids on Purpose" has great suggestions for Grace but lighter on the gospel part.
Thanks for sharing your life with so many. I appreciate you, Kendra.
What an encouraging post! This is a good reminder to us parents to keep our eye on the true goal and not get side tracked with the craziness of life. One of the things my husband and I stress to our children is that no one is good, one sin makes us bad. Only God is good, but we do have a choice and we can be obedient. We want our children and ourselves to learn to be obedient and to know that when we mess up we can repent and receive forgiveness. God is so good, he is so good to us.
Yes, I would love to see the practical side of this-I have the grace book on reserve..just waiting my turn.
Awesome! Thanks for sharing. It's sooooo much easier for us to give the law isn't it? But the last thing that I need to hear after I have completely blown it over and over is the law and the same goes for my children. I need to hear of the unending, always pursuing love of the Lord for me. A love that, because of Christ's righteousness, gives me the grace and acceptance that I so badly need...no matter what. It's also a good reminder for for us to be giving the gospel to the other children as their hearts fill up with pride and self righteousness over their good behavior. And also to ourselves...always!
Man, it was pretty weird to read this right after officially losing it due to my girls talking and goofing off in their beds instead of going to sleep...I'm sure looking forward to tomorrow's post!!
You are truly a Titus 2 cyber woman for me! I'm learning this lesson much too late in my family. My oldest is 12 and all I did was pound the law into his head. The other three are 8, 4, and 2 and I'm a much different mother to them than I was to my oldest.
Cried reading this! Love it!
needed to hear that...thanks.