One on One
Sunday, July 24, 2011 at 12:00AM 
I've often been asked how we manage to have one-on-one time with our 8 children. It's a rare opportunity, and we do make time for it. I take our girls away on their 10th birthdays for a daugher/mom weekend, and I plan to do so when they turn 15 and 20. Just a sweet little tradition.
My husband plans times with the guys, too. Mostly, however, we agree with Todd Wilson, who graciously told me I could repost what he'd written on the subject here:
♥
This is an interesting topic and one that can leave you feeling a little more depressed after reading about it than when you began, especially if you have a bunch of children. Because the truth is, it gets harder to spend one on one time with each child the more children you have.
We have eight children, and the thought of having to take each child out for a daddy-date or a mommy-date sounds overwhelming and practically impossible. I know for a fact that my wife sometimes feels weighted down in this area. She's fallen under the impression that, for anything to be special to a child, it has to be one on one.
I'm not sure that is true or even good for a child. Maybe it's possible for a child to feel special even when surrounded by all the other children in a family. Maybe it's even better. And that is doable.
For those of us with more than a couple children, we can make it a point to hold one of our children on our lap and talk about the day, read a book to one of our youngest, or work on a project with our oldest. We can watch a family video and snuggle up to one child in particular, go out to eat and let child "D" sit next to us at the table, or go roller skating as a family and hold hands with one of our sons or daughters as we make our way around the rink.
If you think about it, maybe it's better to train our children that they can be special without having to be away from everyone else.
Not that I'm against spending time with a child one-on-one. There are times when I have to speak somewhere, and I take one of my children with me. It's fun to talk, work, and eat together. And my wife takes one child along with her when she goes grocery shopping each week. They rotate, and she buys them a special food treat when they go. The kids love it.
Although we do those things and you might implement them as well, you should not feel guilty because you just can't seem to get them alone for one-on-one time very often. Instead, try making them feel special within a family context. I bet you could even do that today.
Be real,
Todd
Reader Comments (6)
I'm so happy to see someone taking on the received wisdom of our age! As long as we keep a vigilant eye out for when they NEED one-on-one, especially as they get older (adolescent), we should trust that God knows what He's doing by making us so busy.
Agreed! Great ideas here. Some of our most special one-on-one time happens simply when I ask one of our girls to help me with dinner, or when my husband and son mow the lawn together. I also take inspiration from Sally Clarkon and will occasionally pull one of the kids into my room for a special snack and a board game on my bed. It's quick, but so special! Thanks for the great post, Kendra!
Excellent! We shouldn't have guilt over things God doesn't call sin & last time I looked, God doesn't call us to have one-on-one time with our children.
I agree as well!! We want our kids to feel special and treasured but I'm NOT convinced that one-on-one time is required! That being said we have found ways to include just one kid when doing our normal tasks like take just one grocery shopping, or the girls getting their hair cut! My husband is pastor, so he occasionally takes a child with him while visiting shut-ins!! And I"m thankful we homeschool and so we have subjects that we do one-on-one and I have time with just that one child to encourage... again, not that it's required but that for this season I get to enjoy it... and I have to be mindful to use the time to build them up AND teach!!
I do like the idea of taking the kids away and getting some serious one-on-one time on special birthdays;)
But it's funny.... even if we are just running to the store with one kiddo, they always are thinking and talking about their siblings and things that they have to tell them when they get home or treats we could pick up for them since they didn't get to go!!
I like this. I've come to think that we can even hold up "daddy dates" and "mommy dates" as idols. Yes, they are a good thing, and we should strive to minister to, love and care for our children. But I think we get sucked into these "good things." Pretty soon the list-of-things-to-do-with-your-kids-to-make-them-turn-out-right starts to eclipse Jesus and the work that he's done and is doing in your child's heart.
Thank you! That's one less thing I have to feel guilty about.