It Feels Like I'm Killing Time
Wednesday, February 25, 2009 at 12:14AM My question: What do you do with a three-year-old and a one-year-old all day? Is it even worth planning things to do? Sometimes I plan crafts, games, activities and it takes for ever to get it all gathered only to have them interested for five minutes. Is this season just about surviving? Or is there a way to make the REALLY LONG DAYS go by any quicker at all?
I have a lot of help, family that lives close by, a husband that works from home, and a housekeeper once a week. My girls sleep 12 hours a night and take a two hour nap every day. With all that I’m still at a loss with what to do with them! Usually all my bright creative ideas are gone by 8:30 am…and I won’t even bring up the long afternoons. What does a mother do when she’s not homeschooling, when nothing has to be done, and she’s faced with two very energetic children who have the attention span of 5 minutes?
-Jackie
♥
I remember feeling this way. I remember feeling like I was just. killing. time.
Now, however, I don't own my time. The pace is so frenetic out of necessity that my attention span is about the same as a gnat's, I eat on the fly or while feeding the baby or reading aloud, I help one with grammar while I oversee the math of another, and I spend any free time I have planning menus, shopping lists, school projects, and a million other lists that have to be made in order for anything to be done smoothly. If there is a major project to be done (right now I'm painting our office cabinetry), it has to wait until after 8 p.m. and it pushes anything else aside (like exercising). In this season, there is no time to kill.
Because my view is what it is, I look back on life with two little ones and think of a hundred things I wish I'd done:
♥ memorize more Scripture, both myself and with them
♥ organize my recipes into a system that works long term
♥ learn to garden and grow most of our summer produce
♥ keep up-to-date files of our photos
♥ learn to cook ethnic cuisines we like
♥ read the classics I haven't read
♥ sew simple clothing items in sizes they'll wear down the road
♥ can
♥ take nature walks and let them really take it all in
♥ teach them to swim
♥ learn Latin
♥ brush up my Spanish and French
♥ play the piano daily
♥ take courses from The Teaching Company
♥ study theology
♥ make all our Christmas gifts
♥ write letters of encouragement
When I survey the list above, I see that many of these things can be done with little ones:
♥ memorize more Scripture- make index cards for memorizing and charts to track progress. Liberally give stickers for each verse memorized.
♥ learn to garden and grow most of our summer produce- give them their own small patch of the garden (or pots on the patio) and let them toss some sunflower seeds in the dirt. I am always amazed at the fact that the little ones can neglect sunflower seeds all summer long but in the end, their production is better than mine.
♥ learn to cook ethnic cuisines we like- let them help you roll up burritos or pat out the dough for Indian naan.
♥ read the classics I haven't read- aloud to them, preferably while they are captive, such as in a high chair or bathtub. They don't have to understand all the nuances of Jane Austen, but they will be enriched by the language and your voice, and you will have accomplished something.
♥ take nature walks and let them really take it all in- find a lovely park, beach, or foothill setting and pack a picnic. Have no expectations. Just take their little shoes off and let them explore. Bonus: our nature days tend to make the little ones take longer naps.
♥ teach them to swim- my favorite place to take my little ones is to the beach. It's a giant sandbox and a natural babysitter.
♥ learn Latin- you may want them to study Latin in your homeschool. Now is your opportunity to become familiar with its grammar and you can teach them the Latin alphabet while you're at it.
♥ play the piano daily- and let them dance around you in joy!
♥ make all our Christmas gifts- so many ideas out there. Start here.
♥ write letters of encouragement- together you can bless so many people, from shut-ins to missionaries abroad to children in need.
It's late and I know that if my mind were fresher (and less distracted!), I could come up with many more ideas for you. I hope this list has given you ideas of your own. Anyone else have ideas to share?
Reader Comments (21)
Trish Kuffner's books are a great resource for "things to do" with little ones. I wish I had used that time better too! Now I have my beautiful four under five, time isn't so free!
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. You have encouraged me to use the time for more productive things. :)
If I had to do it all over again, I would take the advice of Debi Pearl and do all that I do WITH them. Being the introvert that I am, I wanted to be by myself and have them play by themselves/with each other. These things in themselves are not wrong, but it was my prevailing attitude. I am now reaping the effects of that as they go off to themselves and I am left alone in the room. I essentially trained them to do their stuff (be it play or work) on their own and leave Mama to herself so she can get her work done.
GOD has given me a second chance with my youngest. There are 6 years between him and my next youngest. I let him help me with my chores. I see the value now in doing things together, in letting them help even though they're not really helping. It's about relationship building. It's about showing them they are a valuable part of the team, that they can contribute.
With that being said, if I were in your shoes again, I would spend a lot of time outside. I groan inwardly as I say that, but it is so beneficial to them to get out and explore the world GOD created instead of being inside all the time with all the gadgets we've created. I don't like to be outside, but I really push myself to try and get at least him outside (the others are often still doing their lessons). I let him lead in where he wants to go.
It's a lot of work, but I would go places, too. Take them to the library. Everything at their ages is about exploration of the world around them. Take walks and tell them the names of things. "Read" lots of books to them. It's amazing how much my almost two year old knows just from pointing out things in books. He knows colors, animals, cars, creatures... but most importantly, he loves to "read". There are also those play places where you can pay to play; those are fun on occassion. Do crafts, puzzles. Let them feel things, touch things while at the same time teaching them what is okay to touch and what it not.
I hope something in this will help you. You really have an ideal situation! Take advantage of it! Invite others to go along with you on your explorations. Make the most of your days, keeping in mind that one of them will be your last. :o)
Ah, thank you for this list. Granted, we are about to start Kindergarten with the 5yo next fall, but I'll still have two other littles ones to entertain around that. :)
Wow. What an amazing list. And I totally concur. I have 5 VERY little ones with one more on the way. And when I think back to just having one or two I definatly wish I'd done MORE of what you listed. I would add: Training. Fun training sessions- come when mommy calls- the first time, manners. Make game of it but it will pay off big time later. I feel I"m playing catch up now!
Kendra-Do you have a resource you would recommend for Mom to be introduced to Latin and introduce it to preschoolers/early elementary children?
Excellent suggestions, thank you, Kendra! I also recently found help in the book 'Toddlerwise' for helping stretch the attention span and be even more intentionally structured with my toddler's day. Very helpful.
This question caught my eye too. I have 3 los, oldest is only 3. So I'm in those pre home schooling years too! Kendra your ideas are brilliant!
I had a couple of thoughts while I was reading that you've probably thought of already. skip down if so!! Here in the uk it gets dark at before 4 in the winter, so I know about the long afternoons, and we're often at home then, but the rest of the time- could you get out every day? I have some wonderfully fruitful times at local toddler groups (I know not everyone has these: would you call them MOPS groups?? places you can take the kids for a cup of coffee and a play. here lots of churches run them, but in some areas people host them in homes... do people have local equivalents of these?) I meet lots of mums and kids who don't know the gospel. So that's a great way to be modelling to our kids how important the gospel is to us, and sharing the gospel with the mums and the kids has been a great encouragement to me and my kids. some of the mums have become great friends too, though it's required time and patience! I guess if you don't have these you could start one?! I did that about 2 years ago at our church and now we're trying to work out how to cope with the huge numbers of local (unbelieving) mums who come. Or you could just go hang out in the same playground at the same time every week and make friends that way?
Could you visit other people from your church with your kids? Again, demonstrating to them the truths that we're teaching them from God's word that we are a chosen people, and living as that people during the week, serving each other, is a great acted lesson for them, plus it can be fun!
I guess maybe what I'm saying is are there ways you could see those moments as God's gift to you/local unbelievers/the church by using them to spread his gospel, however slowly (and I find it is V E R Y slow with preschoolers needs to take care of too...) or serving your brothers and sisters in ways that are kinda kid friendly? Making a loaf of bread or some cakes each week to take to someone who is in need, you don't have to stay if it's too chaotic...
sorry if you've thought of this. very unimaginative I know!!
Lx
Check out your local library.... help the 3yr old pick out books! And then read to them at home!! I'm alwasy amazed at how much they learn from books and LOVE to listen to books they choose!
Our local library also has a toddler reading time 2 times a month and then we picnic or eat out with other moms with young children... friends for all of us:) There may also be parks and museums near you that offer children's activities that the 3 yr old would enjoy!
What a great list Kendra!
I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old, and I while I rarely feel I lack of things to do, I really appreciated that your list included very little "school" type activities. I sometimes wonder if I should be doing more with them in those areas and in the end, usually decide that being and doing regular things like the ones you listed are so beneficial. There is plenty of time for official school. For now, I love that my son spends most of his time working with his papa outside or pretending that he's working with his papa outside.
I am going to take full advantage of your list! Also - I peeked at your Mexico pictures. Looks like you had a blast! I'm glad.
I have a 3 year old and a one year old..but I also have older siblings. If you have older siblings, make sure they spend time each day playing with the younger ones.
While you are at it, make sure the youngers one spend time playing by themselves.
I also make time to actually spend with them. I have found the best way isnt with both of them together.
I set up 1 year old near me with some toys (or olders play with him). Then I'll do something creative with 3 year old. She will color or paint or do play doh for a really long time. She loves puzzles, but only if someone helps her.
I've also made preschool bags. I found an ebook somewhere that had ideas. Basically you just fill zip lock bags with different activities. The one she usually gets out has beads and cups. She sorts them.
Also, we have a Betty Spaghetti that she loves.
At designated times, each day, she gets out blocks (m), little people (tu), etc. When you only play with them one day a week they dont get bored.
Well I could go on and on. I'm sure I've posted a little of this on my blog. Look in my sidebar for Millicent or preschoolers, if you get a chance.
Hi!
It sounds like the problem might be attention span, not a lack of ideas about what to do.
My boys are the exact same ages as your (3 and 1) and have the same sleep schedule (12 hrs at night, 2 hr naps).
I find that they will GLADLY play by themselves for 3 hours or more. Or, they will gladly do activities with me that I've planned (we Montessori homeschool) for as long as I will let them.
It really could just be their personalities, however wouldn't any parent like to try to take a little credit? LOL :)
I like to *believe* two things have been key in creating this long attention span.
1. I never interrupt them if I can help it when they are playing with something nicely on their own. I had to coach my husband on this a little. He was always interrupting them to show them a DIFFERENT toy when they were already happy with what they had. We keep the toys as simple as possible, as long as possible. I try to let them exhaust the features of a toy they are enjoying and know about BEFORE I show them something new to do with it. For example, if they are enjoying stacking blocks a certain way, I don't stop them to show them ANOTHER way to stack them, I save that for when they look like they might be losing interest or they figure it out on their own. Also in that line, I don't give them every accessory that comes with something just because it comes with. I save it for later (sometimes years later) when that item needs refreshing. Otherwise, I worry that they would be always looking for something "else" to do, something "better" to do, or something "better to do with it.
That all leads into number 2...
2. The more toys/things that are out and available, the fewer things they will actually play with. If I have JUST the train set out they will play for hours. If I have everything out they feel like they have to "try" everything and just flit from thing to thing, dumping, touching and discarding but not really playing. We use a "toy library" we read about in detail over here:
http://www.parenthacks.com/2007/04/toy_library_pro.html
In essence, all of the boys toys are on shoe organizer shelves in a closet that is locked. They can "check out" (use) as many or as few as they choose at once. When they want something new, they let me know and they choose some thing(s) to put back and they take out something different. Everything goes back in at the end of the day. In the year I've done this, they've never chosen more than two things at once, I'm sure they will in later years when they are more interested in combining things.
At any rate, my point is...check and see if you might have too much stuff available and be unconsciously sabotaging them. Also, self-assess and think about whether you are (in your desperation to keep them interested in an activity for longer than 5 minutes) interrupting them when they are happy. If not, look into other attention-span solutions other posters may have suggested (such as the toddler-wise book someone mentioned).
Hang in there, at 1.5 and 3.1 my boys have in the last couple weeks become such tight friends that they entertain each other for hours.
Hi Kendra,
Thank you for the great ideas! I am also a mom of two little ones. Recently, I came across an idea from the author Elizabeth George. She says to create ten file folders and begin filling them up with information from Titus 2:3-5. I have started file folders about marriage, parenting, enouraging others, homemaking, etc. That way we are growing in the Lord and gaining information to share with others. Then we can be "teachers of good things." I also have a question, do you recommend starting Circle Time with an almost three year old? I haven't purchased your e-book yet so maybe you answer that question there. Thank you for your encouraging blog!
In Him,
Kristie
I often wish that I could have a re-do with my early years with my firstborn. Since then, I have had more of a biblical vision of motherhood. This post is such a lovely compendium of wonderful ideas for being productive, with one or two children. I agree that one of the best things is having a great desire of learning new things, and including your children in the learning process. I cannot imagine anything that would cultivate a better love of lifetime learning. Blessings!
Latin- Annamarie, I would start with Song School Latin from www.classicalacademicpress.com. Fun and painless!
Kristie- Yes, Circle Time is a great habit to get into with little ones. Most of mine don't remember life without it!
~Kendra
I've continued thinking about this post over the last day or so and there are a few things that I feel really add to our day that I probably should have mentioned the first time I commented. We sing. Every morning after breakfast we choose praise songs and sing together and it does amazing things to our day. I also read to them whenever I get the chance. We read scripture and Bible stories at the breakfast table and do scripture memory which has blessed all of us greatly. All of these things are laying good foundations for their later learning. Hope that helps!
I just read back over these comments, and WOW! What a great ideas! thank you ladies!
I love this list for two reasons: 1) It has great ideas 2) It's sort of the direction I've been heading in my life, when God hasn't already picked another direction for me to go. It's reassuring to know that the direction we are meandering is likely to lead somewhere worthy.
There are great ideas here...I especially like the post about the toy library. We use our basement as a toy storage area, and I usually just change the toys once a month or so. Less toys definitely equals more happy play at my house. We also homeschool Montessori, and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! My kids were a bit wild and bored before we started, and now there is always something on the shelves that they can do. They each have their own shelf, available at all times, of things that are appropriate for where they are learning-wise. It really has changed the way our days go.
Kendra, my husband is a firefighter and is gone for 48 hours at a time, and is home for 48 hours at a time and sometimes home for up to 8 days. We are praying about homeschooling. We have lots of time, since we have a two year old daughter, one year old daughter and one on the way. I love the idea of circle time! It is just hard for me to see how to create structure and routine when my husband has such a crazy schedule. We don't have normal weekends, so it would be sad to be "busy" every day he is home. Do you have any advice or know how other firefighter families homeschool and do circle time?
Debra- I have a captain friend whose wife can absolutely relate to your crazy schedule. I'll email her for you...
~Kendra