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My To-Do List and Expectations
By Kendra | May 22, 2009
Raise your hand if you’re a lover of lists. Don’t you adore crossing something off after you’ve accomplished it? Me too. However, in this current crazy season of my life, my to-do list has had to morph into something that matches my reality.
I fondly remember the days when all of my children took an afternoon rest, or at least a quiet time. They do now, too, but the two little guys are on slightly different schedules so there’s only an hour when they’re both down. I do rest for an hour or so, but I also need to capitalize on the sleeping babies and spend time helping the older kids with school.
What this means, practically, is that my to-do list has become sort of a running “extra projects” list rather than a day-to-day list, because the day-to-day just doesn’t vary all that much. I use this printable check list for the daily stuff. You can alter the fields for your own use.
Then I add and delete things from the ongoing to-do list as necessary. Currently the list is:
1. Where are my jeans? (I have one pair in my current size and they’re nowhere to be found)
2. Fill in names on family tree as far back as possible (This project could go on for years)
3. Paint- girls’ accents (This one is particularly pathetic. A friend is doing the painting for me. All I have to do is buy the paint, but I haven’t even done that yet)
4. Sew hammock and cabana pillows (I’m not a good seamstress. I’ve put this off for months, but the hammocks are now on the back porch and I really can’t ignore this any longer)
5. Hang shells from andy’s office (Too long an explanation)
6. 5yo Kindergarten doctor visit, 16yo tetnus booster (I know, it only takes a phone call…)
7. Find videos to send to Shane (ummm… find them… )
8. TOS reviews (Due June)
9. Christian’s Stocking to Sandy (all I have to do is send this to a friend but…)
And now a word about expectations. Years ago, maybe when I had five children or fewer, I could look at this list and know it could be tackled in a week’s time. Now, however, the tyrrany of the urgent is where I spend most of my time, and so this list has become just an ongoing thing that continues to grow faster than it shrinks. If I were to expect to finish the list in a more timely manner, I would be frustrated, angry, and ready to throw in the towel, perhaps blaming homeschooling or any other number of things to which God has called me at the moment (like two babies, 14 months apart).
One thing I can say God has taught me over the last year is to make my expectations match my reality. Actually, more than that, I have no expectations. I don’t expect time to myself, time to complete projects, family members who remember my birthday, dinner to come out well, perfect kids, or my haircut to be stunning. As a result, when any of those things do work out, I am utterly surprised and delighted!
How can you change your expectations to meet your current reality?
Topics: Educating at Home, Home Organization, Life with Preschoolers, Nurturing Moms, School Organization | 27 Comments »
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:25 am
Thank you! Just what I needed to hear this week.
thanks again for all your Godly wisdom and encouragement. You are such a blessing to our family, my husband agrees
L
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:11 am
Amen. This is so true in my life also right now… I am pregnant with #10, who will make the last 5 come in (barely) 6 years. Life is so busy! To-do lists are either feeling good about the fact that laundry is almost caught up and I fed them, or your very cleverly worded “extra project lists”…
And I hope you find your jeans. Where in the world do things like that go?! We are constantly losing things. I always wonder how since my house is really not all that messy.
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:51 am
Thanks for this post. It’s so hard to have a clear view of what we “deserve” as mommies – I deserve time alone, I deserve to get to sleep, I deserve to have help around the house … truthfully, I deserve none of it, but am blessed to receive God’s mercy. Such a reminder to enjoy this place (all of it) where God has put me and dive in where I’m at.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:15 am
I adore lists! For fun, I made a summer goal plan list. Many of my goals are fun things to do with my children. http://christine-mary.blogspot.com/2009/05/my-summer-2009-aspirations-following.html
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:15 am
Thanks, Kendra, such a great reminder. By the way, you can buys pillows pretty cheap and awfully cute at T.J. Maxx… ;o)
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:17 am
Yeah. I need to learn that lesson about expectations. They trip me up several times a day, every day.
Loved reading your list (and that would take me MONTHS to do, too- and I do have “only” five.
) That #6– the phone calls? Hate those.
#1: I’d just like to FIND a pair of jeans, period. (As in: in the store.) To fit my body. Jeans and a tshirt is my uniform of choice and I need me a good pair of jeans.
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:42 am
Oh how I relate! I long for the days when I was all organised, things ran smoothly and to-do lists turned into ta-da lists. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it keeps getting moved I’m sure :S The hardest thing for me has been accepting help – from anyone. I feel like I SHOULD be able to do it all. But I am forced to admit almost daily that at the moment, amidst toddlers, renovations and disorganisation, I can’t. I remember thinking the other day as I looked around at the disaster area that is my house at the moment, what if Jesus was coming to dinner tonight? Then I relised, He was right there with me already. I just have to lean on Him and ask for His help. DAILY!
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:59 am
Thanks for the encouragement! I only have 2 children, but my daughter is only 8-weeks old and in the last two weeks she has fussed and cried ALL day long. I have learned that the greater expectations I have, the more frustrated and upset I get when things go wrong- which causes my children to suffer – and then I’m not even accomplishing the most important thing, which is to nurture my children in the Lord. I will give your advice a try.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:31 am
I will personally say that I think the cabana pillows should be moved to the top of the list
)
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:06 am
This is such wise advice. You know, we moms (especially those of us who like lists), tend to put too much focus on accomplishing the list and our precious children are pushed to lower-class status. Making our own expectations “fit” the reality that the Lord has given us (whether it’s a house full of precious children, a deployed husband, dealing with illness, etc.) is exactly what we should be doing.
Good words, Kendra!
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 am
Thank you so much for this post. I needed it this week as I have recently implemented a new schedule designed from Managers of Their Homes. I have 5 children (8mo-8yrs) and get up at 5:30 and go to bed at 11 and the work NEVER ends. I am tired and exhausted and will keep pressing on just doing one thing at a time. I will be thankful if that one thing (whatever it may be at the time) gets done. Your right in that my expectations NEED to match my reality.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Reading number 6 on your list meant the world to me! I have no explanation as to why calling the dentist (don’t tell Fletch) to make appointments for everyone is always not completed on my list! Seriously, it’s just a phone call!
I think the lesson I would add in addition to the expectations (& I love the encouragement you have here about that) is taking it one day at a time. Lists like this and the frantic wonder if it will change & then the realization that it changing is not what I want either (no babies!) can set my mind to spinning.
What I am learning to do is take a deep breath and remind myself that I just need to take it one day at a time. Be obedient today.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Your daily checklist makes my “busy” life seem not quite so busy anymore! I can see now how the need for organization and relaxed expectations grows as your family grows!
May 23rd, 2009 at 4:07 am
What a great post! I, too, have one pair of jeans that fit right now…can’t lose those!! I also don’t like making phone calls. It’s always the last thing on my list and I don’t really remember to do it until it’s too late in the day. Even though it’s on my list! I write my list for the next day the night before. I used to get really frustrated if everything wasn’t completed on the list by the end of the day. I’ve gotten to the point that I just write what was left onto the next day’s list. It’ll get done eventually! I have found that I have to schedule in my list time to read to the kiddos or do an activity because I’ll forget about it if I don’t . I have done a master chore list for the kiddos as well and it helps out so much!
Well, that’s my jumble of thoughts. Thanks so much for sharing yours!!
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:18 am
Oh, I loathe phone calls.
I have long been a proponent of how lowering your expectations increases your satisfaction. Mostly to my friends with regards to happiness in marriage, though. It is appropriate in so many places, I suppose. Thank you for this post.
14 months apart… whew. My youngest is 15 months and I just tried imagining having a one month old babe right now, too. Bless you.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:04 am
Thank you Kendra. That was really what I needed. I am a huge listmaker, but lately my list and my motivated moms planner are buried. We are moving in six weeks and have six rooms that need to be finished. Mostly just mudding, sanding and painting and trim. Oh, and my husband is building the kitchen cabinets and he is going to work everyday (two weeks leave in June). My kitchen is a disaster and putting food away after a meal is hit and miss as he can be sanding. I have been working on being calm, but feel lost in the shuffle -What do I do next. Anyway, your encouragement was a big help and I know this too shall pass.
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:33 pm
When my one pair of jeans goes missing, I usually find it in either my hubby’s drawer or my 14 yr old daughter’s.
How come all us moms have only one pr. of fitting jeans? Funny.
My last 7 were born in under 9 yrs., and the to do list became feeding them; washing them; schooling the ones old enough; loving them; and taking them to church. Training them to do work has taken up lots of time as well.
Now the youngest of that bunch is 2, and it is not getting any less busy, but there ARE more hands to do the work. Thank goodness.
The laundry and meals get overwhelming sometimes, but we persevere.
Dawn in SC
May 23rd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
My question is.. if you’ve lost your jeans what then prey tell are you wearing everyday?
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Ha! Funny, Vicki! Actually, I’m wearing my swimsuit a lot ;D And capris and skirts. It’s getting to be too hot for jeans here, so I can possibly last for awhile, and my hope is that I’ll be a size smaller by the time I need them anyway.
Dawn- I checked my kids’ drawers! Ugh!
May 24th, 2009 at 5:14 am
Wow… thank you for this uplifting reminder. I am struggling under immense weight of my own expectations of seemingly necessary things – let alone the extras. My focus should be my children; yet I find more and more my focus is on the tasks. I truly need to re-evaluate my life’s realities.
May 24th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I’m a self-confessed list-freak. I used to think a good day was one where I could tick off a number of things from my “extra projects” list, and then as life got busier became so frustrated that I could go through WEEKS without ticking off anything. So now my list looks more like “Do laundry” and everyday things like that and I feel real good when I can tick one of those off.
BTW, cute little smiley face right at the bottom of your page.
May 24th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
I love lists! I feel so good when I can look at my piece of paper and see all my jobs crossed off. But, as my life has become busier, I find that I have days when very few things get crossed off, so (and I know this is cheating!) I will write down what I have accomplished in the day and then cross it off. It makes me see what I have done and not what I didn’t get done.
Thanks for the post, it’s nice to know the busy stage we are in is very similar to others and we can get through it.
Bless you
Angela
May 25th, 2009 at 8:30 am
I have also learned (finally) to make a list at the *end* of the day of the things I accomplished, and give thanks to God for the strength He gave to finish! A lot less pressure that way…
May 25th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Thanks for this reminder. I have no expectations. . . I have no expectations. . . I have no expectations. . . (Repeat after me. . .)
May 30th, 2009 at 11:40 am
I am a list maker, but I don’t have a master list of things that need to be done, why I never thought of it, I don’t know. Shane has one, now that the kitchen is done, he has marked of “fix kitchen drawer” that’s it, but oh it is so much more!
BTW, I was wondering why we never got the tape
LOL. Oh well, Lord willing we’ll still be around when you find it.
June 8th, 2009 at 2:06 am
Kendra,
I got up this morning looking for a place to e-mail you and could not find a link from this page, so I just found a post that fit my topic- expectations and reality. When you feel that your plate is full enough for the time being (5 children 8mo to 8 yrs) how do you handle finding out that your pregnant again (as it also happens every 2 years for us and that will be very soon) when you don’t believe in limiting the size of your family and you feel as if you are going to bust if one more thing is put on your plate?
June 8th, 2009 at 6:37 am
Debbie-
I’m on my way out the door this morning, but I will pray about what you wrote and will get back to you.
Praying for you-
Kendra