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Little Boys Who Don’t Love School
By Kendra | October 26, 2009
My oldest son has been attending a state kindergarten (equivalent to your preschool I think?) this year, but we pulled him out at the end of third term. I have been doing some Math and Phonics with him, but the phonics are a real struggle – not for him to understand, but to get him to do! He just doesn’t like it!
He loves for me to read him books, and he always has a book nearby for himself to look at. He knows all of his letters and many of the sounds they make, but isn’t interested in learning to put them together into words. He can read a couple of words, but they have been learnt by sight (his name and the names of his siblings for example). He likes to draw and write labels on his work – asking us how to spell something or write it down for him to copy. He also enjoys the tracer pages I print off in cursive for him, but hates the writing in his phonics book (ball and stick). He doesn’t like cursive copy work though saying “it’s too hard”.
Should I bother with the official phonics for the rest of this year? Is it okay to stick with tracer pages for writing at this stage rather than copy work? I don’t want to take the enjoyment out of learning to read, but rather cultivate a love of it. I don’t even know if this makes sense, but if it does to you in any way, I’d love to hear your input! Thanks!
~Amanda
♥
Amanda-
There are so many differing opinions swirling around out there, but just based on my experience and the wisdom of others, I would say to relax and go slowly. Most boys have “pencil allergies” which keep them from wanting to sit and “do school”. In the long run, delaying seat work won’t make your son a bad reader or poor speller, but it might just keep him from getting bored with schoolwork and turned off by academics.
I’d go about phonics in the most relaxed way possible. In my experience, teaching a child to read is one of those things that can either go very slowly and painfully if the child isn’t ready, or it can go quickly and easily if the child is ready. You need to decide if it’s worth it to you to drag that little boy along through phonics for weeks (months? years?) on end, or to wait until the proverbial light bulb turns on and he’s ready to take it all in and become a reader.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t require anything of him. There are just more delightful and interesting ways to go about learning phonics and handwriting skills. We play a lot of verbal rhyming games (”cat, sat, bat, mat, fat, etc.”), point out the sounds of letters, run our fingers under words so a young (two-year-old) child can see that we are following the letters from left to right when we read, and spell simple words from every day life (STOP on the stop sign).
We also like the Leap Frog Letter Factory DVDs, but they only teach one sound per letter, which I don’t love. I still let my little guys watch them and learn the sounds, but I’ve found that when I do get down to the business of teaching them the phonograms, I have to explain that some of the letters actually make more than one sound each. You can hear the phonograms here.
Your little guy is awfully young for copywork, unless it’s just a word or two or the things he’s asked you to write for him to copy. I’d relax about that, too. I wouldn’t ignore his handwriting altogether as I’ve found it’s difficult for them to break bad habits, but I wouldn’t make it a hill to die on. As long as our children’s handwriting is legible, we’re satisfied. We’ve found that two of them have truly beautiful handwriting because they’re rather artistic kids, but the others- not so much.
Hope that’s helpful-
Kendra
Topics: Educating at Home | 10 Comments »
October 26th, 2009 at 1:16 am
Hi !
What I’d like to know is : how do you know when a child is ready to learn to read ?
Thanks for the encouragement to not put too much pressure on a male kindergartner…
October 26th, 2009 at 4:11 am
Thank you so much for your feedback and wisdom Kendra. I recently attended a Homeschool Conference that also helped me get a better perspective. You have confirmed it again for me…I worry too much! LOL
I’m backing off the phonics and simply having more fun with him – reading books, playing games, singing songs and teaching him road signs (which is an interest at the moment) and common words about the place.
For the 2010 school year, I am looking at some computer options. I have used a couple of online phonics games with him and he loved it. I think if I can incorporate a computer portion, learning to read will become much more enjoyable for him, and more relaxing for me.
Not to mention that 2 of his younger siblings are developing an interest in words and sounds.
Yes, the only “copywork” is whatever he wants to do – labels for his work or asking for something in particular (he sometimes asks me to print off the bible verse he is learning or whatever for him to trace in ‘curvy writing’). However, if there are lines to copy it and it’s in cursive, he won’t copy it…he’ll only trace over it.
I’ve come to be comforted by the fact the he is asking to write something, even if it’s not consistent. The only thing I really focus on now is that he forms the letters correctly when he does write. As you mentioned – bad habits are hard to break.
Blessings to you,
~Amanda.
October 26th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Very wise words, Kendra. I would add that very early copy work doesn’t have to involve what we normally think of as handwriting. Boys this young don’t usually have mature fine-motor skills, but there’s no need to forgo copy work altogether. Boys (and many girls) seem to prefer writing on a chalkboard or whiteboard with large letters that make use of their large motor skills and don’t tax them in areas they aren’t ready for. This is akin to the idea that we shouldn’t delay children’s writing until they can actually (hand)write LOL…they are two very different skills involving different parts of the brain and shouldn’t be dependent on each other. When a child is ready for one and not the other, find creative ways for kids to transfer what’s in their head to paper, screen, or board!
October 26th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Thanks for yourt wisdom Kendra!! I have a boy in a similiar situation….. he is sooo ABLE, just not soo willing:(
I actually bought a K workbook from Walmart that touches on the big points…. the characters throughout the book are monsters:) So he LOVES doing it… asks to work on it:) YAY!
AS far as his “learning to read” book… I’m taking it super SLOW… like a lesson a week instead of a day! We work on the words, then make the words with magnetic letters, write on the whiteboard, do a rhyming game, etc!! Boys are busy…. so he’s not just going sit through a whole lesson… at least right now:)
The LeapFrog Letter Factory is followed by 2 or 3 other videos that we really have liked. They cover using vowels to put words together. One is called Talking Word Factory… anyway it’s a series… also a math one:) They won’t teach reading but DEFINITELY exposes them to sounding out letters and how letters make words…. I LOVE their little songs that remind us of phonic rules… “when two vowels going walking the first does the talking”!!! The math taught my son (3 yrs old) how to count by 10s:)
October 26th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
My kids were fairly early readers, but only because they were interested in it. The oldest (boy) learned phonics because he was allowed to actually touch Daddy’s laptop when he was doing it (if he got the letter or sound correct then he could push the button to continue on the powerpoint slide show my husband made for them). The girls learned at the same age and using the same method with good results. The one thing I tell people who ask me is that it only takes about 5 minutes a day, never more than 10 even if they are really into it that day. Sometimes we’re so worried about them learning that we push too hard. One of the online reading sites my third especially enjoyed was starfall.com
October 26th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
We do ABEKA and I have loved it….it is totally oral with a tiny bit of printing involved (at least that is how I use it). It is bright and colorful and uses picture that catch the kids attention. It can be a little repetitive at times, but we move on with those that don’t need the repeat, repeat, repeat. We use the simple, incentive games that come with the program and my boys and girls love it….I also try and be sensitive to when we are having a bad day and just do the bare minimum, like reading a book of interest out loud. From past kids that have learned to read, it is usually in gr.1 half way through that the light bulb goes on fully and it all starts to make sense. I have them write their letters neatly, but my older kids all have their own style, so now I just leave it alone, but insist on neatness, letters being on the proper lines. I had the toughest time teaching my daughter as she just had a hard time focusing….but I loved her up on my lap during the lesson times and she thrived during those times, being more cooperative to do the work expected of her and without a fight. Being allowed to hold a pointer to point at the blend ladders or whatever we were working on was fun for them too!!
October 27th, 2009 at 4:00 am
Kendra’s words of wisdom are right on target. I was so worried about my eldest learning early enough etc. I started her at 4.5 and had many “difficulties” especially as she has dyslexic and ADD tendencies. She turned 9 yesterday and is reading on grade level and probably would have been had I backed off for a year or two. Learning is important, but trying to teach a kid who is developmentally unready is not only a waste of valuable time, but often falls into the category of “provoking a child to wrath. Why are we all so content to let a kid walk at whatever age he chooses and then force them into phonics at 5?
I think the 5-10 minutes a day is a good rule of thumb. My first grade daughter is speeding through Alphaphonics. My K son is going along with many lessons chopped in half. They are all different.
Patience. I have heard (through the blog) Kendra say it is like you wake up one day and realize you are not in the same situation you were.
When I started reading this blog nearly 4 years ago mine were 5, 3, 1.5 and I was barely pregnant living overseas. Fast forward through a duty station in the NE and now we are in the SE with a 9, almost 7, 5, 3 and one due in 3 weeks. I marvel at how much simpler life is and how helpful they have become. Training does pay off. And kids really do get to the point they can brush their teeth, wash their hair and their bodies alone. The first years with many littles are hard but they really do go fast.
Read what Kendra says all over this blog she has been there and knows wherewith she speaks!
October 27th, 2009 at 9:20 am
sorry… thought I’d add something else… my younger brother could do worksheets early but didn’t have the ine motor skills to write his letters…. so my mom used… STAMPS to complete work!
And sometimes if the point of the work is NOT penmanship I let my older one use STAMPS, too! Mix it up a bit… everyone likes a little variety:)
October 27th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
In an earlier comment, Kelly mentioned leap frog videos which both of my children enjoyed watching – esp the letter factory.
If your son enjoys playing games, check out our website at http://www.sightwordsgame.com.
October 29th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Thanks for the word of peace about rushing the little ones! Your blog is such a blessing.