Comments on: Do Hard Things- Helping the Older Ones See the Beauty of Servanthood http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489 Discovering Joy in the Journey Mon, 06 Sep 2010 10:11:33 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Cyndy http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489&cpage=1#comment-2586 Cyndy Tue, 07 Oct 2008 15:17:14 +0000 http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489#comment-2586 Thank you Kendra for this valuable bit of advice that I will be practicing hence forth. I have a 12 almost 13yr old son who is flexing his debating muscles. Sometimes saying "I said so" just doesn't cut it anymore...but to say "God said so" (w/o being to dogmatic of course) carries weight. I will also be picking up the book you mentioned. P.S. Won't be long 'til you will need to rename your blog Preschoolers, Preteens and Peace! LOL. Thank you Kendra for this valuable bit of advice that I will be practicing hence forth. I have a 12 almost 13yr old son who is flexing his debating muscles. Sometimes saying “I said so” just doesn’t cut it anymore…but to say “God said so” (w/o being to dogmatic of course) carries weight.
I will also be picking up the book you mentioned.

P.S. Won’t be long ’til you will need to rename your blog Preschoolers, Preteens and Peace! LOL.

]]> By: Better Late than Never | Happy to be at Home http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489&cpage=1#comment-2547 Better Late than Never | Happy to be at Home Sat, 04 Oct 2008 22:02:19 +0000 http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489#comment-2547 [...] Kendra has a great post on helping our children become cheerful servants in our home.  [...] [...] Kendra has a great post on helping our children become cheerful servants in our home.  [...]

]]> By: Renee http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489&cpage=1#comment-2542 Renee Sat, 04 Oct 2008 01:42:27 +0000 http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489#comment-2542 Thanks Kendra for this! Its timely for me also. I have a 12yo DS that is also more logical than me and has been since he could negotiate. He (hindsight) derailed me lots of times in my rules, because basically, his ideas made more sense. It wasn't rebellion then, but now, man, I have created a very sticky wicket! He now thinks he is equal to us. And to top it off, I am not a creative discipliner. I think I will check out some of the books that you recommend, but also, as your husband put it (SO poignantly) to search Scripture. It spoke to me on a deep level, and I appreciate your time with this blog!! Blessings! Renee Thanks Kendra for this! Its timely for me also. I have a 12yo DS that is also more logical than me and has been since he could negotiate. He (hindsight) derailed me lots of times in my rules, because basically, his ideas made more sense. It wasn’t rebellion then, but now, man, I have created a very sticky wicket! He now thinks he is equal to us. And to top it off, I am not a creative discipliner. I think I will check out some of the books that you recommend, but also, as your husband put it (SO poignantly) to search Scripture. It spoke to me on a deep level, and I appreciate your time with this blog!!

Blessings!
Renee

]]> By: ali http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489&cpage=1#comment-2507 ali Tue, 30 Sep 2008 19:34:10 +0000 http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489#comment-2507 Good food for thought. I'll have to check out that book. I've been thinking of going back to "For Instruction in Righteousness" for a review and convenient list of verses for this kind of thing. Now I have a renewed vision for doing so... Enjoy them, ali Good food for thought. I’ll have to check out that book.

I’ve been thinking of going back to “For Instruction in Righteousness” for a review and convenient list of verses for this kind of thing. Now I have a renewed vision for doing so…

Enjoy them,
ali

]]> By: AmyH http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489&cpage=1#comment-2505 AmyH Tue, 30 Sep 2008 04:40:50 +0000 http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489#comment-2505 Wonderful wisdom here, thank you for sharing Kendra. I have been shocked lately as I find myself arguing with my 7.5yr old son and I realize that I am loosing. The balance between being humble enough to be wrong sometimes, keep my authority and call him to humility also is COMPLEX! But you are right, God's Word is where absolute truth is found. Wonderful wisdom here, thank you for sharing Kendra.
I have been shocked lately as I find myself arguing with my 7.5yr old son and I realize that I am loosing. The balance between being humble enough to be wrong sometimes, keep my authority and call him to humility also is COMPLEX!
But you are right, God’s Word is where absolute truth is found.

]]> By: Kelly http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489&cpage=1#comment-2503 Kelly Tue, 30 Sep 2008 03:19:20 +0000 http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489#comment-2503 The latest issue of No Greater Joy addresses this very subject. www.nogreaterjoy.org. The article is called Cloistered Homeschool Syndrome. ~Kelly The latest issue of No Greater Joy addresses this very subject. http://www.nogreaterjoy.org. The article is called Cloistered Homeschool Syndrome.

~Kelly

]]> By: Shannon http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489&cpage=1#comment-2501 Shannon Mon, 29 Sep 2008 22:50:14 +0000 http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489#comment-2501 I'm always so blessed to visit you here, Kendra! Thank you for your perseverance and the blessing you are to all of us. This "little" ministry of yours (for that is what it is!) has meant so much to me these last years, and I thank you my Sister! xo I’m always so blessed to visit you here, Kendra!
Thank you for your perseverance and the blessing you are to all of us. This “little” ministry of yours (for that is what it is!) has meant so much to me these last years, and I thank you my Sister!

xo

]]> By: Stacy http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489&cpage=1#comment-2498 Stacy Mon, 29 Sep 2008 18:37:41 +0000 http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489#comment-2498 Kendra, Great wisdom, here [Andy!]. I watched my mom struggle with that strength in one of my little brothers (who could "win" in any debate/argument/disagreement), and often left my mom floundering. I'll remember this for when my kids are older! :) ~Stacy Kendra,
Great wisdom, here [Andy!]. I watched my mom struggle with that strength in one of my little brothers (who could “win” in any debate/argument/disagreement), and often left my mom floundering. I’ll remember this for when my kids are older! :)
~Stacy

]]> By: Kathleen http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489&cpage=1#comment-2497 Kathleen Mon, 29 Sep 2008 16:34:45 +0000 http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489#comment-2497 Thank you. That makes a lot of sense, and I think helps us as parents of large (or someday large!) families stay the parents and lets our kids stay the kids. "...Mom flitted about the church building socializing freely." is my concern exactly, and the one that really rubs me wrong. I think it also gives large families a bad stigma, as a lot of people really feel sorry for those older kids and resent the parents over-delegation. The older girls feel trapped, knowing they need to serve their family and loving their mom and wanting to help, but really feeling overburdened. Okay, I am done! Don't want to soap box. Must train those olders to be self-sacrificing, and I agree with your post. We all need to develop that in our families. K Thank you. That makes a lot of sense, and I think helps us as parents of large (or someday large!) families stay the parents and lets our kids stay the kids. “…Mom flitted about the church building socializing freely.” is my concern exactly, and the one that really rubs me wrong. I think it also gives large families a bad stigma, as a lot of people really feel sorry for those older kids and resent the parents over-delegation. The older girls feel trapped, knowing they need to serve their family and loving their mom and wanting to help, but really feeling overburdened.

Okay, I am done! Don’t want to soap box. Must train those olders to be self-sacrificing, and I agree with your post. We all need to develop that in our families.
K

]]> By: Kendra http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489&cpage=1#comment-2496 Kendra Mon, 29 Sep 2008 15:42:31 +0000 http://www.preschoolersandpeace.com/?p=489#comment-2496 Kathleen- I hear you loud and clear, and I am in complete agreement with you. Someone else once asked me about this, and I responded this way (cutting and pasting here 'cause I'm too lazy to rewrite my thoughts): Years ago when we were just beginning our journey (we had maybe two children), I attended church with a friend where a really large family also attended. When they entered the sanctuary, at least four of the older daughters had a younger sibling assigned to them in a front pack. Different than a daughter or son asking to tote a little one around, these girls were obviously unhappy about the constant assignments, as they often had to miss family events because it was “their responsibility” to watch that particular younger sibling. Mom flitted about the church building socializing freely. What my friend and I observed in that family (and in several others since) are older siblings who begrudgingly instead of joyfully serve their families by watching a younger sibling. These are the kids who will (and have) grow up to say, “I’m never having kids! I raised my younger siblings already!” So while I love it when my kids beg to hold the baby or get a little one up from a nap, and while I delight in seeing my 15yo tickle and chase the 4yo around as she squeals in delight (she also runs to him when he gets home and says, “Hi Best Buddy!”), and while we do ask them to help in other ways with younger siblings, ultimately WE are the parents. Last night we went out to a movie, just the two of us. The kids had made plans for themselves to enjoy each other while we were gone, and instead of feeling leashed to the responsibility of raising younger siblings, they are happy to help. Every family is different. But for us, some of the choices we’ve made are to not make an older sibling change a dirty diaper if I’m available, not require them to be disciplinarians (in fact, we discourage it when we are home), and not assign them to a younger sibling unless we’re in public and need the extra eyes. This has worked well for us. Our older ones seem happy to help out. The boys get the younger girls their plates of food at the church potluck, and they’re happy to do it. They grab necessary baby items for me when we’re headed out the door, strap the baby in the car seat, feed him, play with him, and enjoy the younger ones. When I see an older daughter (mostly daughters, sometimes sons) sigh and roll their eyes behind their mother’s back when assigned to a younger sibling, I see a red flag. I just don’t want to go there. ~Kendra Kathleen-

I hear you loud and clear, and I am in complete agreement with you. Someone else once asked me about this, and I responded this way (cutting and pasting here ’cause I’m too lazy to rewrite my thoughts):

Years ago when we were just beginning our journey (we had maybe two children), I attended church with a friend where a really large family also attended. When they entered the sanctuary, at least four of the older daughters had a younger sibling assigned to them in a front pack. Different than a daughter or son asking to tote a little one around, these girls were obviously unhappy about the constant assignments, as they often had to miss family events because it was “their responsibility” to watch that particular younger sibling. Mom flitted about the church building socializing freely.

What my friend and I observed in that family (and in several others since) are older siblings who begrudgingly instead of joyfully serve their families by watching a younger sibling. These are the kids who will (and have) grow up to say, “I’m never having kids! I raised my younger siblings already!”

So while I love it when my kids beg to hold the baby or get a little one up from a nap, and while I delight in seeing my 15yo tickle and chase the 4yo around as she squeals in delight (she also runs to him when he gets home and says, “Hi Best Buddy!”), and while we do ask them to help in other ways with younger siblings, ultimately WE are the parents.

Last night we went out to a movie, just the two of us. The kids had made plans for themselves to enjoy each other while we were gone, and instead of feeling leashed to the responsibility of raising younger siblings, they are happy to help.

Every family is different. But for us, some of the choices we’ve made are to not make an older sibling change a dirty diaper if I’m available, not require them to be disciplinarians (in fact, we discourage it when we are home), and not assign them to a younger sibling unless we’re in public and need the extra eyes.

This has worked well for us. Our older ones seem happy to help out. The boys get the younger girls their plates of food at the church potluck, and they’re happy to do it. They grab necessary baby items for me when we’re headed out the door, strap the baby in the car seat, feed him, play with him, and enjoy the younger ones.

When I see an older daughter (mostly daughters, sometimes sons) sigh and roll their eyes behind their mother’s back when assigned to a younger sibling, I see a red flag. I just don’t want to go there.

~Kendra

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